Rivalry And Affection Between Siblings

The relationship between siblings is very important. Therefore, one of the most important tasks for parents is to guide their children in this regard. In other words, help them establish a warm and positive sibling relationship.

A warm and positive sibling relationship not only contributes to the siblings’ development and the way they learn things, but the relationship is also one of the most special and unchanging a person can have in life.

Rivalry and affection between siblings

Rivalry between siblings

Family dynamics inevitably change with the arrival of a new sibling. These changes have a major impact on older siblings.

When a new baby arrives, older siblings can change their attachment to their parents. Usually, their need to consolidate their attachment increases and older siblings develop some rivalry with the new family member.

In addition, breastfeeding is a tiring phase that affects the mother’s sleep routines, especially during the first months. This exhaustion can affect the relationship with the older children.

Of course, they do not have the same time, patience or energy to devote to older siblings as they did before. This can lead to children starting to make higher demands in an attempt to get more attention.

With the arrival of a newborn, parents’ perceptions of older siblings may also change. Their demands are often raised and as a result more severe punishments. Given this, it is quite natural for older siblings to begin to experience jealousy.

It can manifest itself as negative reactions to the parents or as rebellion. For example, they may refuse to eat food, do not want to go to school, start vomiting and have trouble sleeping.

But their behavior toward their new siblings tends to be ambivalent. Most often they show signs of both acceptance (hugs, kisses) and rejection (aggression).

According to child psychologist Talia Velasco, this ambivalent attitude is a reflection of two conflicting emotions. On the one hand, older siblings experience jealousy, but at the same time they feel a strong loving bond with their little brother or sister.

Sibling rivalry during adolescence

During adolescence, siblings may also experience new conflicts, regardless of whether they had a loving and stable relationship with each other as children.

One of the reasons for this distance has to do with the fact that they are looking for more independence. At the same time, the siblings’ dynamics can also change as a result of them developing different interests when the older sibling reaches adolescence.

In many cases, the teenager refuses to interact or play with the younger sibling. In an attempt to catch the attention of their older sibling, the younger sibling takes all means, something that can create irritation and seem disturbing to the older one.

Love between siblings

It is common for jealousy and rivalry to arise between siblings. But a little at a time, you will create a special and exclusive relationship. This sibling relationship is fundamentally different from the relationship they have with their parents.

The rivalry that may arise during adolescence will gradually disappear as the years go by as long as the siblings have established solid love relationships as children.

Brothers and sisters spend many hours a day and a lot of time together throughout their lives. The relationship between siblings is probably one of the longest close relationships we have in our lives. Therefore, one often shares many moments of happiness and pain.

Mary Ainsworth describes a series of observations about the bonds between siblings:

• Older siblings provide nursing care similar to a mother’s.
• Siblings help and comfort each other in the absence of their parents.
• Siblings serve as a basis for exploring each other.
• Separation anxiety decreases in the presence of a sibling.
• When an attachment figure is lost, the grieving process is easier when a sibling is present.
• Starting school is easier when two siblings are together.

Do parents have any opportunity to influence rivalry and affection between siblings?

In their study of sibling relationships and their impact on children’s development, Nina Howe and Holly Recchia pointed out the importance of parents using age-appropriate strategies to develop the relationship.

According to their research, the strategies that parents use to deal with conflicts between siblings can teach them how to get along with others.

According to Howe and Recchia, there are both constructive and negative strategies. Negotiations to resolve conflicts are positive, while conflict solutions based on abuse of power and aggression are destructive.

Often and involuntarily, parents contribute to the siblings’ rivalry. For example, when they make constant comparisons between their children.

This sends a harmful message to children and teenagers. They perceive that they must meet a certain standard in order to have the affection of their parents rather than just being themselves. At the same time, children’s self-esteem is damaged. They develop a grudge against their brother or sister, who seems to meet the parents’ standards.

Conclusion

It is a known fact that relationships between siblings are complex and each relationship is unique. There are siblings who have a strong, positive bond, while others do not.

It is the parents’ task to raise their children in a way that promotes love and mutual support between siblings. In this way, they contribute to one of the most authentic and wonderful relationships there is.