How To Solve Problems In A Relationship
When you share your life with someone, you will quarrel sooner or later, and that is perfectly normal. Different points of view, misunderstandings, friction from daily routines, stress from everyday problems… all this means that wrong steps can lead to quarrels and disagreements. Therefore, you need to have the right tools to solve the problems that come up in a relationship.
The first thing to keep in mind is that we usually take our feelings out on the people we love the most. This means that your partner sometimes has to take the quarrel you and your boss had earlier in the day, the stress from rush hour traffic or that the children were completely hopeless to get to bed.
The first thing you should do to resolve conflicts in the relationship is to stop and think about what really makes you so angry. Do not overreact, and think before you speak.
How to solve problems in a relationship
Wait… there is no rush
It’s not always good to talk about things in the heat of the moment. It is actually even worse when it comes to conflicts in the love life.
When you are angry, it is impossible to see the situation from your partner’s perspective. This does not mean that you should ignore it, but give it some time so that you can calm down and then talk when you have your mood under control.
On the other hand, do not wait too long to deal with problems. It’s just a matter of not trying it while you are still raging.
Active listening
You’ve probably heard it before? It’s just learning to listen. It seems easy, right? But it is not. It turns out that when you listen to someone, you are probably thinking about what to say next and not what the other person is actually saying.
Active listening challenges you to focus all your attention on the person speaking, without judging and without expecting anything. It is something you need to practice every day until you can apply it. It is also extremely valuable when talking to your children.
Respect comes first
Whatever happens, always avoid attacking or behaving disrespectfully towards your partner, physically (especially) but also verbally. It’s easy for more temperamental people to just explode, and it can end up making them regret saying things they did not mean.
But the truth is that the damage has already been done. Then it becomes a pattern. Every time a conflict arises, it becomes a habit to react in this way.
Finish what you have started
If you have a problem, do not drop it in the middle of the discussion. It makes the other person feel like you do not care about them, which negatively affects their self-esteem. On the contrary, remind your partner that you want to reach an agreement and that the relationship is really important to you.
We all make mistakes
Be humble, because even if you think you did nothing wrong, you may have hurt your partner’s feelings by mistake. Listen again to what he says and be patient.
Do not generalize
When we quarrel with someone, whether it is their partner or someone else, it is possible that we throw out phrases such as “You always do…” or “You never do…”. That is obviously not true. Therefore, it is better to focus on the problem without associating it with other moments or previous disputes.
Speak from your own perspective
Another important thing to help solve problems in a relationship is to talk about what exactly you feel. Don’t just blame your partner. Try to use sentences with the word “I” in. The other person will always be more receptive to listening to how you feel, not what you think he or she should do.
“When this happens, I feel like this…” is a good phrase that you can use to explain yourself without judging your partner. In addition, you talk about your feelings and your needs. This way, your partner can better understand how certain things he or she does make you feel.
Do not ask for what you can not give yourself
Lots of people ask for too much of their partner without stopping to think about what they themselves are giving. If you demand something, you must be willing to give it back. That way, you build an equal relationship.
It is a very common mistake to expect too much from your partner and want him to meet all your needs. But no one can fill every void in your life. Only you can do it yourself. Sometimes this can cause frustration and your relationship may suffer because of it.
Quarrels are normal, but it is important to find healthy ways to solve problems in a relationship.
