Narcissistic Parents: The Lack Of True Love

When parents are self-centered and selfish, it has negative effects on their children’s emotional development and social abilities. Children who grow up with narcissistic parents experience a childhood that suffers from a desperate lack of love and affection. The effects of this type of upbringing last well into their adult lives.

Narcissism as a personality disorder

According to psychology, narcissism is a personality disorder that involves the following behavioral traits:

• Lack of empathy.
• Illusions about their own greatness or superiority.
• Behaviors and thoughts that indicate vanity, superficiality or greed.
• An excessive or pathological need for attention, admiration or confirmation.

• Try to exercise dominance and keep others in emotionally dependent relationships.

Narcissism is part of our personality

Specialists confirm that narcissism is also an innate part of the human psyche. All people have some degree of narcissistic traits in their personality. It is inherent in our rational and emotional construction. It is also fundamental to the development of self-esteem in children and adolescents.

But when these behaviors become intense and dominant, they begin to result in various behavioral problems. In some cases, narcissistic patients are diagnosed with severe personality disorders.

The absence of love in raising children of narcissistic parents

Narcissistic people tend to retain certain characteristics from their childhood and adolescence, even as adults. Therefore, they show a constant and excessive need for attention and confirmation, just as children do.

As you can understand, a narcissistic adult is a person whose self-esteem is anything but healthy. They are individuals who need to feel superior to others because they have a deep need for self-affirmation. This often means that they ignore other people’s feelings and needs. In addition, the problem with narcissistic adults is that they tend to project the same characteristics onto their children.

First and foremost, the lack of empathy makes these parents unable to understand and meet their children’s needs and conflicts. Their own desires, even if they may be superficial, always come first. This is not out of malice or wickedness, but it comes from a real inability to recognize someone else’s peculiarity as one’s own independent person. In addition, narcissistic individuals may not realize that they can learn from others.

Self-criticism in narcissistic parents

Raising a child requires a lot of commitment and self-criticism. All parents make mistakes at some point in their children’s upbringing. If parents can learn from their mistakes, they can improve the well-being of their child, as well as their entire family.

For a narcissist, however, self-criticism is a complex issue. This is because it means acknowledging failure and refraining from external approval. This inability to objectively evaluate themselves makes narcissistic parents blind to even the most obvious of their mistakes. In addition, it makes them blind to the feelings of others – including their own children.

Another serious consequence of narcissistic parenting is that these parents often develop a lack of interest in their children. This stems from the fact that their children cannot give them the validation they need to satisfy their ego. The resulting indifference is almost always a defense mechanism so that they do not have to reconsider their attitudes and try to change.

All of this is a huge obstacle in the connection between parent and child. The child’s childhood and youth completely lack the necessary love.

Narcissistic parents and excessive control over their children

Narcissistic adults can also become overly protective and extremely controlling when it comes to their children. They replicate their behavioral patterns on their children, setting disproportionate expectations and excessive demands. It is as if they are asking their children to be as superior as they themselves feel.

Unfortunately, it is very common for controlling narcissistic parents to subject their children to psychological and physical abuse. They tend to be constantly critical, attacking and punishing severely to “correct” unwanted behaviors.

Consequently, they give their children a very insecure upbringing. Their children suffer from deep fears of being ridiculed and develop a very low self-esteem. As adults, they may show signs of severe trauma, difficulties with social interactions and develop their own personality disorders.

Narcissistic parents: Is there a solution?

Adults with narcissistic personality disorder must seek adequate treatment. This is especially true when they negatively affect the lives of those around them – their children, partners, grandparents, friends, etc.

Narcissism is not a chronic condition or a condition that cannot be treated or cured. Seeking treatment, however, requires effort, commitment and humility, something that is not easy for someone who is a narcissist.

Narcissistic parents must work with a specialized psychologist to be able to move forward in their emotional development. They should also consult with a child psychology specialist to evaluate their children’s emotional development.